Romans 15:5-7 “Now may the God who gives perseverance and encouragement grant you to be of the same mind with one another according to Christ Jesus so that with one accord you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Christ Jesus. Therefore accept one another just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God.”
It’s been one year since I walked into the Lion’s Den. Let me retrace the story.
I was running errands when I received a text. I saw who it was from and immediately put the phone down. I need to get home, to a safe place before I read this.
To say that this text was important was an understatement. The timing of it, however, was more than I could bear: Adjusting to two children was more difficult than I could’ve imagined, and my infant son was not conforming to any kind of sleep schedule (waking up 3-5x a night was the norm), all while I was trying to juggle a new business. I was thin from exhaustion. Just earlier that same week, there was a conflict with a family member which knocked the wind out of me. Words were spoken that I didn’t see coming, that had my head spinning. How am I destroying her family, one which I love dearly? I was devastated. Needless to say, with the lack of sleep, responsibilities juggling and emotions shaking, my circuits were fried. And this was leading right into Thanksgiving week!
I knew this day was coming. I had been praying for it for close to 4 years. But why now? I was not to question the timing but be faithful to walk through this door that He set before me. That weekend, I took up running that weekend to handle the stress.
The text was sent on a Thursday. We would meet on the following Monday with a mediator. Countless thoughts plagued me. Harsh words were spoken in the past when I tried reconcile in the past few years, I don’t think at this point in my life I can handle another wound. “Will I be safe at this mediation?” I had not felt protected the last time we met with a mediator on church property, affecting me greatly. “What about all the things I wish she knew about my side of the story…”
I know I am an emotional girl. How can I contain these emotions in the mix of this crazy stress? Oh Lord, I need you to guard my mouth and my heart more than ever before. I know the Lord will do His part, but can I do mine?
“How you respond will determine the outcome.”
-Cindi Killen
That weekend, another friend randomly sent me a text: “I had a dream about you last night. You and me and Gary were there, singing the song, “When you don’t know what to say, ‘Say the name of Jesus‘.”
Hmmmm, say the name of Jesus…
I can’t even describe how perfect the LoRd’s care is. That’s exactly what I needed. I didn’t know what to say at this Monday night meeting, or what logic could come out of my mouth at all during this season of my life. And when those thoughts plagued me of all the million different ways this meeting could go, and throughout yet another stress-relieving run, I kept saying the name of Jesus over and over again. He’ll be my Rock and my Defender, like He promised. Though my knees are knocking, I’ll trust Him. “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.”
It took forever to get to Monday. And all the while knowing I wasn’t emotionally ready. In fact, I called the mediator hours before the meeting to call it quits. I can’t go through with this. No one would blame me for backing out.
As the Lord would have it, our mediator never called me back, and I knew this needed to happen. At the end of the day regardless of surrounding circumstances, I was just being chicken for trying to back out.
“You are going to feel fear when you rise up in faith.”
-Levi Lusko
It’s go time.
I arrived after her. When I walked in, our mediator was making pleasantries and showing her around the house. I didn’t know if this meeting would take minutes or hours but I figured if it’s taken us this long to get here, this might be awhile. We all sat down in the den. After our mediator prayed, she began with her Bible in hand:
“You both know the Word of God.. You don’t need me to read verses about the importance of forgiving one another..” And just like that she turned us loose to face one another. Heart pounding, I’m holding my breath, anxious of what might be said and yet at the same expecting God to make good on His promises.
“We don’t need to get into the details,” she started. Then with tears in her eyes, she told me that the Lord has shown her so much. How she misunderstood what I was doing. And how it was through one of my blog posts that she realized that this conversation needed to take place. And she was sorry.
I sat silent for I don’t know how long. Maybe it was 5 seconds. Maybe it was a minute. In my mind, it felt like a hundred years. Phrases I rehearsed from times past if I ever got the opportunity, and yet all I knew He wanted me to say was,
“I forgave you a long time ago.”
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus…
And just like that, the tension in the room had lifted and we were talking like old friends, even laughing about the ways God was working on us behind the scenes to bring us to this point. It was strange for me to be in the same room with her and to think this chapter of our history has finally closed. We hadn’t been able to look each other in the eyes in years. Now, we’re chatting like old friends. Only because of Jesus.
I went home that night physically exhausted yet emotionally victorious, beyond relieved. And yet questions lingered in my head, “Is it really over? Really??”
In my few short years of following Christ, I’ve come to realize some of the devil’s schemes. Understanding the enemy’s tactics can be key, yet overcoming them is another. He comes to steal, kill and destroy. And might I add, bring a side of confusion. He’s pretty lame if you ask me, but deception and division is what he’s good at and none of us are immune.
Even after it’s all said and done, thoughts began of, “Well, you didn’t really get to tell her your side, did you? Now she’ll never know!” or “This will be just like the other times we tried to reconcile and it came back around.” “You both lived so comfortably with the tension, are you really ready to let it go?”
Oh, just join me now as I punt the devil in the face and invite this girl over for a playdate with our kids a week later. And I knew, this might be the most awkward, nerve wrecking playdate of our entire lives but I’ve gotta squash this thing until we’re “normal”. I have a million questions about who she is now and what the Lord has been teaching her. {It says that if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, the old has gone, the new has come! I must believe that He who began a good work in both of us, will be faithful to complete it.} Or maybe instead of going “Level 10” which I tend to do, we should just keep our conversations “vanilla” and just work on being in the same room together. Yes, that’s probably best for now.
Fast forward a month or so, an extended invite for dinner, our family over to hers. Followed by future birthday parties and playdates. And praise God Almighty, He can make friends out of enemies. Only He can change a heart. The past is truly the past and it’s only because of Jesus, I can look at her in the eyes and see her for who she is now, not what used to be between us.
So today, November 24th, I am truly thankful. Thankful for my friend who is dearly loved by her Creator, who is talented in so many ways, a great wife and mom, and a friend whom I can learn so much from. Thankful that He made good on His promises He gave me throughout this journey. I’m thankful to God, who cared that much to reconcile sinners to Himself by the irrevocable work on the cross and that by doing so, gave us the privilege to reconcile with one another. What a brilliant Author! And how many beautiful stories He would write if we would let Him!
“Trust in the Lord, and do good…
Delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in Him, and He will act.
He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,
and your justice as the noonday.
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him”
Psalm 37: 3-7
Looking back on 2014, I remember one of my goals was to witness a miracle. Never did I realize, I would have the choice to be a part of it. Many times we expect miracles to be instant and glamorous. Yet they can come through the simple act of obedience, a changed heart or a new beginning. How much power we’ve been given to help and heal one another! May we all be agents of healing, representing His great love for us to each other.
So I ask you, dear reader, what kind of story would He write for you?
May the God of hope fill you with all joy an peace in believing so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
In His Faithful Grip,
